Okay so like the whole reason I went to Harbin was to go to the Snow and Ice Festival. Sounded cool. I saw some pictures on the internet that confirmed my suspicions. Look at this beautiful morning in a hostel… or… don’t look at it cause the windows are pretty much not transparent:
I got all my warm clothes on because I was going to be outside for the rest of the day (I actually didn’t put enough on, I forgot to put on extra socks so by the end of the day my feet were pretty much not responding to stimuli).
On the way to lunch and the snow and ice festival I found someone I had been looking for for a long time. In China just about everyone is the same ethnicity (Whether they actually are the same ethnicity genetically or not doesn’t matter, just about everyone calls themselves Han Chinese). So I’ve always thought that I might go a little crazy if I was always surrounded by people who were my same body shape, same style hair, same clothing, same everything. Like in the US you can find a lot more in the way of cliquey things where people from different groups will wear different things. It’s not as strong here because frankly they haven’t had enough time to get creative and try new things. The chance to actually cause divergent clothing and hair styles within generations hasn’t been taken advantage of much yet. There’s some, but it’s not nearly as strong as in the US.
So I’ve been curious as to why I haven’t seen anyone with dyed hair. They dye their hair here to be brown or dark red sometimes, but I’ve never seen anyone do like streaks of blonde or like bright green or something. Anything to make you stand out a little bit from everyone else.
Found one:
About three days later I was walking around and I saw him again. He’s a hairdresser. Hairdressers are the people I’ve seen with the craziest hair here. I guess that’s what it takes to change your hair color, you have to deal with hair every day and get super super bored with it.
Here’s another house of worship near my hostel:
So everyplace I’ve been they have people who are hired to stand outside of stores and clap. Seriously. This is someone’s job. They just stand outside the store and clap. It’s to get you to look at them and see the store. However in Harbin people have to wear gloves. This makes clapping impossible. Now how do you solve this problem?
Like this:
Actually it worked. Those were the stairs for California Beef Noodle King. Honestly I just didn’t think about buying the California Beef Noodles. My own fault. I was too hungry and not thinking straight. However I did buy this extremely delicious chicken with cucumber. It just shredded chicken, peanut sauce, and shredded cucumber. It was extremely light and healthy feeling. You could probably make this at home (and I would suggest it):
Here’s a better image of that little ice slide for kids that I still can’t go on:
I dunno I guess there’s tigers in the Motorola store. I’ve found there’s a lot more in the way of people dressing up as mascots in China. In the US I’ve only seen it once or twice. Here it’s almost so common that I’ve stopped noticing. It’s a lot of fun though:
… yyyeeeEEESSSS!!
Here’s a daytime look at Monument Square. There’s a uh… a big monument in the middle of it. Honestly sometimes there’s just no point to me narrating:
So what I need to do is cross the river to get to the Snow and Ice Festival. There are several options at my disposal to do accomplish this task.
Option 1:
Option 2:
Option 3 (walk it):
I figured out that people here really really really wanted to take advantage of the white guy. In Shenzhen they’re kind of like “eh, just pay” whereas here there’s a lot more in the way of them jacking up the prices on like everything. So unfortunately I didn’t take the dogs (all German Sheppards for some reason?) because I figured I was going to be amazingly ripped off. Also I don’t think one German Sheppard is enough to pull two people on the ice without injuring the dog. That’s not what they’re bred for. They’re bred to be used as… you know… sheppards.
So here’s the ice skating sort of area on my side of the river. This is what was right next to the massive ice slide from earlier:
I had a couple kilometers to go, so I started walking:
What’d I say about those mascots? Here’s one of the pleasant goats. I’ll link you to the wikipedia entry again:
Crossing the river:
Option 4:
On the other side of the river is a Russian village. I don’t really understand the purpose of this place. I think it’s some sort of community event holding place with art centers and so on. It’s closed during winter save for one random shop where I bought a snickers bar. It looks exactly like home sometimes:
I tried to find the HanJianMin Oil Painting Collection of China and Russian Toilet, but when I went there I just found a guy sweeping and chipping ice in front of a what appeared to be an employee cafeteria for the area. I asked him where the toilet was and he said “I don’t know.” Seriously? You work there and you don’t know where the toilet is? Rude much? I wasn’t asking anything hard, could’ve just pointed and I would have found it.
I peed on his building.
Alright, I didn’t pee on his building but I really wanted to.
Here’s evil Santa Claus:
I wandered over to a park in the Russian village to find a bunch of people that failed to attack Medusa:
All of the sculptures are made of out hollow plastic meant to emulate stone. It’s not actually stone. I was pretty impressed until I found this out.
Han Solo: Hero of the Communist Revolution:
Across this really dangerous ditch…

Was this massive wall with a story about the Chinese and the Russians. It features a woman that I’ve seen before on the school’s walls I think. I don’t know who she is, but she was sculpted the same way on the busts at my school so I assume it’s the same person. I only recognize her because I every time I saw a sculpt of her I thought she was a white woman (“Of course not!” I’m told):
Once upon a time there were a bunch of very important Chinese people that were talking and gesturing about very important things:
Then they went out and wandered across the wilderness only to find that they were accidently going into Russia and it was freakin’ cold. Soon they started taking the Russian’s vodka so they could keep nice and warm:
Then the Russians were like “Whoa whoa whoa, we don’t like the Chinese because we don’t like the idea of Emporers. Long live the hammer and sickle. Also quit stealing our vodka you jerks, we’re gonna go all Braveheart on you now.”
Then a really brave Chinese girl stood up on a rock really dramatically and the Russians were like “Whoa, you’ve got pretty girls in China.” And China was like “Chyeah we know.” And Russia said: “Okay, you turn communist and stop stealing our vodka and we’ll stop fighting” and China was like “That’s coo’; brb revolting”
Then the Russians and the Chinese were BFFs and China was like “Bros before Ho’s forever dude?” and Russia was like “Hell yeah man.” Except then eventually Russia succumbed to temptation and stopped being communist because Reagan was just too hot to handle.
And that’s the story of how China became a communist country.
Here’s a phone booth:
So I guess part of the Russian Village is still working because this is a hotel that appeared to have guests coming in and out of it:
Once again I find someone doing something by hand that would have been done by machine at home (One person with a snow blower is cheaper than five people clearing the snow back home, not the case here).
Along with Physicist, Soldier, and Senator, that is probably one of the top jobs I would hate to have. Not because of the physical labor, I’ll do that, but more because of the tediousness of taking tiny bits of snow to sculpt every path in the town to look like this:
Matryoshka doll topiaries:
Now where’s that entrance to snow world…? Oh there it is!
Snow world is pretty cool (rimshot!). Everything is made out of snow and is much bigger than your typical snow man:
Also you can actually go inside these snow houses and get extremely expensive tea. It was like 30 RMB for a single glass of milk tea (something that shouldn’t cost more than like 6 or so).
Pretty confident the ice and snow festival would be the coolest place to be a kid ever:

The perk to climbing up to the top of the big snow bowl thing (besides being able to take the snow slide down) is these hotties. I’m surprised the whole snow bowl didn’t melt from the hotness:
Chinese kid slides on his bottom:
White kid slides on his awesome:
Seriously these snow buildings are huge. Look at the size of that man at the end of the wall:
Wow check out that tiger! What is he supposed to be?
Oh:
Yes, this is flocked snow, I touched it:

Aw I must have missed a parade. A parade with more Pleasant Sheep and Big Big Wolf:
…. yyyeeeeeeeesssss:
So there was some kind of snow sculpture competition between people from different countries. I’m sure the US will have something creative and cool.
Here’s Team 1 of Korea’s entry:
Team 1 of Japan had a slightly anime feeling snow sculpture. Seems very Japanese somehow:
Wow, team 10 of Korea, stepping it up a notch:
That’s pretty cool Team of UK:
Team 3 of China, that’s way sweet. I didn’t expect it of you (and because of this I get the feeling that it might be copy of something I’m not aware of). Of course I love it; I can’t help but love robots made of snow:
Speaking of robots, a little derivative, but I’ll still accept it because you happened to choose the hardest Michael Bay style transformer to copy into snow:
Speaking of derivative, I wonder if there is a single artist in China that hasn’t made a portrait of Mao in some form? I don’t think I have ever drawn or known anyone who has drawn George Washington:
Aladdin would be proud. FYI there’s another tiger inside the mouth of the tiger, how badass is that?
This one is called “Argus Treasures”:
Okay, let’s finally see what the awesome sculpture the US team chose to make:
Janus?? You chose Janus? That is possibly the most boring thing to sculpt they could have chosen. Talk about phoning it in. Why Janus? Is there some sort of symbolism to it that I’m missing? I mean I’m sure the contest took place in January, but what could it mean beyond “this contest is taking place in January”? Does it have something to do with the 60th anniversary of the PRC? Please? Anything? I’ll take anything beyond what was clearly the most boring sculpture in the park. Why didn’t you choose an actual awesome god that does cool stuff? Why not like Tezcatlipoca or Quetzalcoatl? They’re scary as hell. Why not Zalmoxis? Why not Loki? He’s a shape shifter. You could have made one being with many faces instead of Janus who only has two faces (and they’re both the same face, lame).
Choosing Janus is like choosing to buy a shot glass half full of milk instead of a chocolate malt with whipped cream, a cherry, and the tin it was all mixed in for the same price. Weird and lame…*thumbs down*
Lets move on to something more awesome instead of dwelling on failure:
Who is this bright snowman you ask?
Minnie Mouse, Pleasant Sheep, Tigger, and a Moomintroll. I didn’t get a very good video, but watch what adults do to them:
LICK HERE TO LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOUR FELLOW WORKING MAN
None of that “make sure the kids don’t know you’re a person” garbage:
This is the back of a big snow slide. Kind of cool to see how it was made. I’m glad they used machinery instead of making a bunch of people slave over piling snow with individual shovels:
Omigosh I didn’t miss the parade!! Yes!!
Uh oh…
LOOK OUT KID!!
Aright everyone, showtime is over. The Moomins are done with this BS:
Except America is still partying!!
At least… I think it’s America… They look British. I guess blue might make them American instead of British? I’m not sure. Civil War had people wearing blue, but colonial times Americans just wore their regular clothes. Buycostumes.com is telling me that a blue outfit makes it officially colonial American. Either way I know they were American because they were playing Yankee Doodle. Also because general Custer appears to be heading to Little Bighorn in the very front… with a spear:
I doubt that’s supposed to be Birdo, but I like to think it is:
I’ve spent 6 months in China and this is the closest I’ve come to seeing a real dragon puppet. Disappointing:
It’s not often I actually get to see art with a message here, but I’m happy when I do (unlike at home oddly enough where I desire the exact opposite). No matter how subtle or unsubtle it is I’m still happy to see the effort put in. It’s called “Longjiang New Era”:
What the- what is that animal? I thought it was taxidermied until I walked past and it blinked:
Fixing up the sculptures near the entrance:
This is on the way out of the park:
“Say that’s a nice boat.”
“Thanks.”
“You name her yet?”
“You bet.”
“What’s she called?”
“The AAAAA!!!”
This is one of the little restaurants inside of the snow. I got the milk tea. I like milk tea more than regular tea. Kind of reminds me of hot chocolate (it’s more reliably good than the Chinese equivalents of hot chocolate that I’ve had):
After warming up I had to walk another few kilometers to get to the ice festival:
Seriously, one guy with a snowplow, 4 minutes for the whole street. Not only that but he could make a killing by working more people in more areas in a shorter amount of time. Inefficiency means more jobs though, so this is what happens (notice you also need a guy or two to not actually chip ice but just to direct where other people should chip):
Oh neato, an aquarium. I doubt I want to see what’s inside for fear of going “Awwww… no… your living conditions are so poor… :-(”
Welcome to Sun Island Again:
Here it is: The Harbin Ice Festival. This is the whole reason I traveled here:
… yeeeesssssssss:
Here’s a map I tried to care about, but I was too excited to just walk around and look at everything:
Coolest maze:
All the ice is taken from the river that I walked across. I don’t know what it is about that particular ice that makes it so perfect and clear (with not much in the way of cracks or air bubbles screwing up your view through it) but it’s pretty awesome:
Horse sculptures:
There was a big tunnel thing (that you weren’t allowed to go in for some reason) had a bunch of rainbow lights that would change colors all over the place. It was neat.
Chess. I was too cold to see if it was checkmate or not. I assume it was:
I got an American Chinese woman to take this picture for me. It was rather disconcerting to listen to the voice of a Midwestern American come out of an Asian person’s face. This is so strange because I would expect no different if I were in the US, but because I’ve been in China for so long I expect every Asian faced person I come across to have roughly the same accent. I kept hearing her speak and I would do double takes constantly. Makes me feel ridiculous because it’s totally normal, it’s just not normal here:
Ice coliseum:
“Heylo my nam iss Chen. I design te svynx. We upgrad te svynx to haffuh foouh nose like she’s- uh! Shumuh shumuh! He’s originary s’posed to. Arso we at slyte fo’ cheodren.”
So this was someone important wandering around. I don’t know who and I didn’t see many people stopping him to go “Oh man! You’re here! That’s so cool! Could I have your autograph?” I assume he was some local official. He seemed to be out with his friends and some women that I’m assuming were his wife and daughter. Could be have been different. The men here always look much older than the women they’re with (which I’m told is actually true and/or desired most of the time).
Get your picture taken with a yak! Yay! Yet another animal I thought was a big taxidermy piece until I saw it move a little bit:
Official sponsor of the Harbin Ice Festival:
This is a stairway up to a massive ice slide:
Check out that nose, I should start working as a stop sign eh? Nyuk nyuk nyuk:
Big huge zipline. I stood in line for 45 minutes to get on to that thing. I gave up, they were too slow. Couldn’t take it anymore.
So I went down an ice slide instead. Sorry, no picture of me going down the ice slide, people would have pushed me down. What I did do however was hold up the line so people would go farther down the slide. Then I took a running jump, dived onto my back, and slide down the slide. Unfortunately everyone was like “oh ha ha this is too scary, I’m gonna go slow!” so I ran into them.
It was way fun, so I went up the stairs nearby and did it again. Then a guy budged in front of me in line, right at the front. I tapped him on the shoulder and pointed out the line behind me. Then he looked at me angrily, yelled something in Chinese, and dived down the slide. Then (After making sure there were no kids around) I got to yell “Fuck you!!” at him in Chinese. Thank you Chinese class! I think I even texted my teacher because I was so excited to have cussed in a real world situation:
Awkward dance party. There was a lot of some DJ lady yelling “Come on! Come on!” and a couple of girls on stage dancing. Except it was cold so they were wearing coats. I could tell they were really trying, but it just fell flat. The crowd just stood there staring at them, not dancing at all. Just standing and staring. It was super awkward:
Here we have a cool stairway up to the moon…
And here we have a-… what the fff…?
Welcome to Hollywood!
Hollywood, home of famous faces such as…
and…
and lest we forget…
Not an activity I’ve ever thought about doing during winter, but whatever you’re into:
Another awesome ice slide:
Is it just me or am I starting to get repeats here? If Windows of the World (As seen in this LINK) is any indication, it’s like there are maybe 100 or so well known buildings outside of China. After that they just kind repeat and you see the same ones over and over again:
Some kind of broadway show featuring a white guy singing and dancing. Looked really mediocre. Also no nudity so I don’t care:
This recreation of some set of ruins was also seen at Windows of the World:
The only non-ice part of the Ice Festival (minus the rocket):
People were paying to put these very large candle/incense-like sticks in front of the idols. Also people would go down on their knees on the prayer rug platform kind of things. I didn’t have anyone to ask what was going on, so I just watched:
Take a picture with a snow fox!
……
……………….
… yyyeeeeeeeessssss:
After that I went home (using taxi drivers that were more than willing to make you pay 3 times the rate that the meter would have shown). I realized on the way home that I had been surviving on ice cold fruit and sugar for the past 14 hours or so. I was starving. So I looked around for food but couldn’t find any, everyone was closed save for one:
McDonalds is pretty much a life saver sometimes. Many people in China seem to think that westerners just love McDonalds and KFC. They think we really love the food and the atmosphere and everything about it. When I walk into a McDonalds I often see people look at me and give a “Ah ha! It’s true! I knew it!” Every time I get the chance I always explain “It’s not that we particularly like McDonalds, it’s just that sometimes we get bored of Chinese food and want to eat something else. Anything thing else. Mexican, Italian, German, anything. McDonalds and KFC is usually the closest not-Chinese option we have. Also we don’t know how to read and Mickey D’s has pictures.”
I have explained this a number of times to random students and they’re always absolutely fascinated when they find out. This time I had a new reason to go to McDonalds. They had a western toilet (always good to keep in mind who has western toilets while traveling asia) and they were open late.
Anyway, looking at the menu I figured out I wanted something really beefy and meaty. So I went for what I thought was the Chinese version of the Big n’ Tasty:
Turns out I was more right than I thought. It was the Chinese version of the Big N’ Tasty. I thought it was going to be the same recipe, but with a different name. Wrong. I was told Chinese McDonalds changes the taste of their burgers “to be more Chinese”. I had only had the Big Mac here, which seemed to taste exactly the same as home. This was different though.
It was a burger with a sweet and Sichuan hot and spicy sauce added to it. Also it had a big pile of cucumbers instead of pickles. I had not had a Chinese style hamburger before, most of the burgers I had had were attempting to be American style but failing. This was clearly an attempt to incorporate Chinese flavorings into the dish. It wasn’t bad actually. It just wasn’t what I was expecting and desiring at that moment. I might go back again later sometime so I can fully appreciate the confusion of fusion inside my mouth:
In the next post I will have the most amazing video I have ever recorded of anything ever. Stay tuned for:
“Harbin There Done That: Valley of the Tiger”


















































































































































































































































